As a work at home mom, you’ve pretty much got the work thing down. Or at least you’re working on getting it down. You’re marketing and connecting. You’re making waves in the online world and rocking it.
But I know for me, when my kids were acting out, it could throw off my entire day. It was even worse if I’ve scolded them a little too harshly or lost it for something small. I would feel bad, apologize, and then I would silently question whether or not I’ve messed them up for life. No matter how on top of my work game I’m feeling, when I’m not mom-ing right, it can become a whole “thing.” It has the ability to change my mood in a heartbeat. And then everything starts to go downhill from there.
And it makes sense that your kids can throw you off track. Being a mom is the most important job you have. The first part of mompreneur is “mom” after all. And that’s why, when you feel like you’re not nailing the mom part of your life, it can start to affect everything else.
I’ll be honest– overcoming the fighting, tantrums and mom guilt, and having a system where you’re not screaming at your kids when they’re annoying you isn’t about trial and error. Sure, you could do a Google search and come up with hundreds of ideas, charts and checklists. But unless it’s tailored to your kid and your family, there’s still a 50/50 chance it won’t work, and you’ll back to square one trying to find a solution that will work.
Instead, go with something that does work. Something that make sense for your child. To help you, here are 3 steps that will help you set up a system that will help eliminate the ourbursts and tantrums from your kids, and the yelling and mom guilt from you.
Step 1: Conquer your own mindset
We start here, because it’s the most important part of managing any situation. You can’t always control how your kids are going to act, or react, but you have a much better chance of controlling your own actions. And let me tell you, your own reaction plays a HUGE part in the harmony of your household. Think about it. When your kids are acting out, you tend to get frustrated. And they get more upset, and then so do you. Next thing you know, everyone is upset.
Or if your kids are being too noisy, or they’re fighting, you start to yell at them. Then what happens? They get more upset and then the situation escalates.
So this step is about calming your own reactions of anger and frustration, and not letting yourself get so aggravated. If you find yourself getting upset at your kids often, first of all, you’re not the only one, and second, you can change it. Once you start to understand WHY you react in certain ways, you can start to change it.
My suggestion is to journal. Even if you’ve never journaled before. Or if journaling is too woo woo for you, call it free writing. Start by writing down what you’d like to change most about yourself as a parent. Be honest with yourself.
What do you wish you didn’t do?
What habit do you want to break?
When do you get the most down on yourself?
Then dive a little deeper into the root cause of that action. What are the kids doing that trigger your negative reaction? Is that related to something else you’ve experienced in the past? Think of the feelings you’re feeling and the frustrations that come up. When have you felt something similar?
Reflecting on your responses should give you a good starting point and a glimpse into what is going on in your head.
Step 2: Understand your child
Once you have a better understanding of yourself, and more control of your own actions in heated situations, you can start to understand your own child.
The best thing you can do is simply to pay attention.
Also, think about the most heated arguments, the biggest blowups. When do they happen? What else is going on? How does your child act? Does there seem to be a common thread?
The answers to these questions (and more) will give you look into your child’s mind and see what’s going on. Almost every tear, scream, tantrum or fit stems from some sort of emotion. Your child could be angry, tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, hungry.
When you start to look at the cause of the behavior and not the behavior itself, you can start to proactively handle them.
Step 3: Find rewards and discipline that fit each child
Each child is different. What works for one child may not work for another. Or even what works for your first child may not work for your second child, and so on.
Unfortunately, this can lead to a lot of trial and error when it comes to finding discipline methods that stick.
Luckily, once you understand your child a bit better, you can choose routines, rewards and consequences that make sense for your child.
To create a discipline system that works, think of what will impact your child the most. There’s no sense in implementing time out as a punishment when your child craves alone time. Or taking away items won’t work if your kids doesn’t value their things.
Likewise, creating reward systems that work is very similar. What will your child love the most? For some kids it’s their favorite treat. For others it can be extra quality time with you.
Also, some kids do well with charts and stickers, others not so much. Creating routines, systems and of course punishments (though I’m not a fan of this word at all) and rewards that your kids are happy to abide by.
As a mompreneur, you wear a lot of hats. You’re an amazing entrepreneur, homemaker and parent. But I know that when you’re not feeling on top of your mom game, it can bring your entire life down. Because your kids take first position in your mind …. always. By using these 3 steps, you can start to get a handle on your own mindset and reactions, understand your children so you can contain their behavior and create systems in your household that will help it stay calm and run smoothly.
The Whole Mompreneur Virtual Summit
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We’re women. We’re moms.
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